Movies

Here's a list of stuff I want to see:

Creature from the Black Lagoon
Frankenstein 1970.
Feminist horror films

I need motivation

I have no reason except that I've been stalking other blogs to feel like blogging. I'm in a desperately out of loop mood and all I've been doing is watching TV shows, taking the TTC, or basically fulfilling my basic needs. I need to look for a job soon. or at least work more on my Grad school applications which is a daunting task.

I'm sad and it's because of distance. I wish it would go away

I really wish I could compose myself, make a better routine, develop personally in the best way I see fit and learning. Isn't learning what life is all about anyway?

Anyways enough about me.

I watched some shows lately for entertainment. I feel selfish about it because there's so much suffering in our real lives, so much heartbreak and hurt. I want to just wash it all away.

Why I don't usually speak my mind

I can be a cold bitch. I will tell you that you are a douchebag without even fully knowing who you are and judge you by only the way I have seen you behave around me and others. To be honest, I am a cold bitch and to be a cold bitch is to be honest. I think it takes alot of courage to speak your mind even if you only have bad things to say because contrary to the saying "don't speak if you don't have something nice to say," I don't think it's wrong to say what you think. The whole premise of not saying something because its not nice is just a means to avoid hurting a person. You know what though, I think it's okay to hurt someone as long as it is constructive in some way to the deliverer or recipient. That's generally all I have to say.

Reminder to myself

Learn some sorta graphic/architectural design thing so you can draw up spiffy designs

Read more about government regulations, laws & legislation

Embracing differences

So I was watching a random video of madwhitejamaican on youtube and I think he was doing the Jamaican tag or something but he say something like Jamaicans dont care about color or they are quote on quote color blind. Immediately my reaction was that no way. how could this be true?

Of all the things I have been around to hear or to actually been told, I can't find that Jamaica doesn't have its own problems in relation to race and country of origin. Personally, its actually a little offensive nature of Jamaica that you can't avoid. Sure they act all nice and put on fake smiles when they're around tourist like people but when it come to real yaad behaviour is a totally diffierent care. True what he say. Jamaican people *love* war. is like them worship that. Coming like they nah nottin betta fi do...

Past friendships

When I say past friendships, I don't mean randon acquaintances and the hi and bye friends. I mean the type of friendship spanning long years and long days and hours spent with friends. The specific interactions you had together and all the laughs. Not so much the tears although I'm sure there were some.

So back in high school, more than 4 years ago, I had these two friends... They were very close to me and we have since drifted apart, it's funny how time changes lives. We used to be roommates on weekdays and lived with our parents on weekends, but according to math, that meant we spent about under 66% of a week in each other's presence especially since we were students and didnt work. I remember days we would listen to music in the car (music I downloaded from Azureus and put onto CDs). Some songs they would hate but they would like some. I remember falling asleep frequently during the drives since they were 1-2 hours long depending on traffic and weather. I remember how we would frequent fast food places at night on random days or stop at chinese food after school. I remember how I was in badminton club and we would end school later. I remember how after school while we waited for our ride, we would buy a loaf with cheese inside and it was always so warm and yummy. We'd go home and play Final Fantasy 11 and we all thought it was the best game ever, although never really said it. Sometimes, social interactions it involved some sort of online love interest in the game and I'm pretty sure we all thought it was magical to be able to have that interaction. Anyways, it was over in such a short 2 years.

Those days were such an memorable and loved part of life that I really don't want to let them go. I don't ever want to lose the memories of that time, especially since I'm at a point where I can't figure where I'm going with life.

I saw one of my friends from back then in September of this month( gosh, I can't believe it's already been more than a month since I saw her). Anyway, I heard she is doing well since she found a job recently, but I just wanted to try and remember a few things to help me remember my past. Maybe I can learn for my future.

Navigating two languages

I admit that I have trouble communicating with my parents. Ever since I was little, my parents would always speak to me in Cantonese and although I've spoke it into adulthood, I can't speak my native tongue with them freely and openly. Theres a huge disadvantage to this because they can't tell how I think. Though, maybe its not possible to know how anyone think unless you have a career in neurology or brain study. Anyway, since I devote alot of time speaking to them, I wish there was a easier way around this. Then, maybe I could happier and live a more fulfilling life.

But this problem exists and I honestly think it isn't going to cut it to look up keywords online for them and spending time trying to explain an idea or not even bothering to explain something on the presumption that they won't understand it anyway.

I think I could really take their suggestion about learning Cantonese more seriously but I've always made it an unimportant priority of mine to my discontent. Honestly, why can't I just get anything done? Maybe it's their fault for not enrolling me into a language program from an early age or themselves not taking a class at an early age. But why is it that to learn a language you have to be young rather than old? Is that really necessary?

Languages will always be a complicated issue to me. So I will be searching for ways to solve these issues in the near future.