I'm looking for a Job (Sort of...)

As the title says, I'm in the process of a job search. To be perfectly honest, I haven't really worked hard enough to find one and I think I am more in the habit of finding myself. If that even makes sense. I recently graduated from university, have this expensive-ass piece of paper to show for it and I really don't know myself? Is that even allowed at my age? For some people, this might not be acceptable because at my age, you're expected to have some degree of success in your life especially someone with my skills. But in this world it's the people you know and the relationships you have that help you get along in life. Somebody who doesn't have "connections" or "links" (Jamaicans know) don't have a huge chance at success. They have to try much harder to find their way. Our world just isn't really made for "hard workers" to make it. Only those who are somehow involved in big things actually "make it." It never surprises me how a perfectly capable person who has a college degree is driving a taxi or a bus.

Movies

Here's a list of stuff I want to see:

Creature from the Black Lagoon
Frankenstein 1970.
Feminist horror films

I need motivation

I have no reason except that I've been stalking other blogs to feel like blogging. I'm in a desperately out of loop mood and all I've been doing is watching TV shows, taking the TTC, or basically fulfilling my basic needs. I need to look for a job soon. or at least work more on my Grad school applications which is a daunting task.

I'm sad and it's because of distance. I wish it would go away

I really wish I could compose myself, make a better routine, develop personally in the best way I see fit and learning. Isn't learning what life is all about anyway?

Anyways enough about me.

I watched some shows lately for entertainment. I feel selfish about it because there's so much suffering in our real lives, so much heartbreak and hurt. I want to just wash it all away.

Why I don't usually speak my mind

I can be a cold bitch. I will tell you that you are a douchebag without even fully knowing who you are and judge you by only the way I have seen you behave around me and others. To be honest, I am a cold bitch and to be a cold bitch is to be honest. I think it takes alot of courage to speak your mind even if you only have bad things to say because contrary to the saying "don't speak if you don't have something nice to say," I don't think it's wrong to say what you think. The whole premise of not saying something because its not nice is just a means to avoid hurting a person. You know what though, I think it's okay to hurt someone as long as it is constructive in some way to the deliverer or recipient. That's generally all I have to say.

Reminder to myself

Learn some sorta graphic/architectural design thing so you can draw up spiffy designs

Read more about government regulations, laws & legislation

Embracing differences

So I was watching a random video of madwhitejamaican on youtube and I think he was doing the Jamaican tag or something but he say something like Jamaicans dont care about color or they are quote on quote color blind. Immediately my reaction was that no way. how could this be true?

Of all the things I have been around to hear or to actually been told, I can't find that Jamaica doesn't have its own problems in relation to race and country of origin. Personally, its actually a little offensive nature of Jamaica that you can't avoid. Sure they act all nice and put on fake smiles when they're around tourist like people but when it come to real yaad behaviour is a totally diffierent care. True what he say. Jamaican people *love* war. is like them worship that. Coming like they nah nottin betta fi do...

Past friendships

When I say past friendships, I don't mean randon acquaintances and the hi and bye friends. I mean the type of friendship spanning long years and long days and hours spent with friends. The specific interactions you had together and all the laughs. Not so much the tears although I'm sure there were some.

So back in high school, more than 4 years ago, I had these two friends... They were very close to me and we have since drifted apart, it's funny how time changes lives. We used to be roommates on weekdays and lived with our parents on weekends, but according to math, that meant we spent about under 66% of a week in each other's presence especially since we were students and didnt work. I remember days we would listen to music in the car (music I downloaded from Azureus and put onto CDs). Some songs they would hate but they would like some. I remember falling asleep frequently during the drives since they were 1-2 hours long depending on traffic and weather. I remember how we would frequent fast food places at night on random days or stop at chinese food after school. I remember how I was in badminton club and we would end school later. I remember how after school while we waited for our ride, we would buy a loaf with cheese inside and it was always so warm and yummy. We'd go home and play Final Fantasy 11 and we all thought it was the best game ever, although never really said it. Sometimes, social interactions it involved some sort of online love interest in the game and I'm pretty sure we all thought it was magical to be able to have that interaction. Anyways, it was over in such a short 2 years.

Those days were such an memorable and loved part of life that I really don't want to let them go. I don't ever want to lose the memories of that time, especially since I'm at a point where I can't figure where I'm going with life.

I saw one of my friends from back then in September of this month( gosh, I can't believe it's already been more than a month since I saw her). Anyway, I heard she is doing well since she found a job recently, but I just wanted to try and remember a few things to help me remember my past. Maybe I can learn for my future.