Chinese Jamaican Society - Short global reflection

I am a Chinese Jamaican. Recently I've gotten into literature about the history of Chinese Jamaicans and done some internet research about the culture group. I find out so much more than I anticipated and I believe there's so much more knowledge to pursue otherwise and even further in the literature.

The identities combine in  such a way that I've never thought of because I always took it for granted as a child and person growing up. I mean it's such an interesting area of study. I can't believe I've never fully understood it or pursued it futher. How it never crossed my mind before.

So anyway studying in University for almost 4 years and learning how to think critically and become a self-reflexive person have shaped my thinking about the world and myself. Its never been a concern to me when I was living in Jamaica about my ethnic-cultural history or why it would matter. But right now, it seems like such a complex discourse and study that I can't help but think about it constantly on and on while I'm pursuing my studies.

I've found a few things that really triggered my interest. I guess one most important one is the documentary forgottenfaces on youtube which spoke about the Chinese riots in Jamaican history. It was such a troubling time for the country and especially for "my people" who were the subject of much contempt. I cannot begin to imagine what persons had to endure, how much pain and sufferring occurred. How much pain I had endured.

Naturally it prompted me google searching "chinese jamaicans" and it brought up the website of chinesejamaicans.com and it's such an interesting subject I guess that many others took part in writing about it and sharing receipes and family photos about life as Chinese Jamaicans in Jamaica. I felt such a nostalgic sense of home when I saw those photos and thought of my own childhood and the places I used to frequent and the environment of Jamaica. It always captivated me really. But then again, I was small. Many other things did and they still do. I'm still exploring life options and right now, it's so hard.

As I reflect about identity and the world around, the globally affecting forces of capitalism, what I understand is that you always move on. You always get over it so to speak. You don't need to dwell on one thing forever. It will dissipate (lack of better word) with time. Places seem blurry and people forgotten. I remember things I wish I didn't and I want to remember things I don't know anymore.

Yesterday March 2nd 2012

I woke at 5am unable to sleep anymore than I should have. On the way to school I had in mind to accomplish 3 things that day: go see the person at the Career Center about grad school, go to class and listen to presentations since its apart of participation mark and finally enrol in classes for the summer.

When I arrived, I got some breakfast and stalled in the computer lab until 10:30 and went to the Career Center. I had asked several questions and one of the most relevant was that I told her my GPA and she says with a disapproving look: "oh... that's a little low. You really should work on that" Of course, she understands that some applicationis don't look at your grades from 1st and 2nd year if they're bad but they will seriously consider 3rd and 4th year grades. I knew this and I knew my GPA was low because I hadn't did that well in my 1st and 2nd year. But 3rd year was likely one of my best years. And then it began to go downhil from there....

I arrived in class early, which I really regret because of small talk I had with this random girl in class. But what most I regretted was the fact that my grades are again failing. So I go up to the prof feeling horribly confused and generally not thinking straight and I asked her "Can I do the paper over?" Her reply was "No that wouldn't be fair to the other students" So instead I asked "Can I do something else?" i,e, compensation. and her answer was a disapproving shake of the head. At this point she could likely see the tears starting to well up in my eyes so she says something along the lines of "do kickass in the presentation and paper" and I walked away before I fully broke down.


At 3:30 my class enrolment was still not open I gave up and went home. And I enrolled later that day

today on the streetcar

I was on the streetcar this morning during rush hour and I notice some of the strangest things about people and society. its rather strange and it occupies my mind for the entire 20 minutes ride.

A man got on the streetcar at Dundas West and he got in from the bank doors so he had to step up the stairs.. well because it was so packed he hd to stand on the steps. because the streetcar doors wontclose he was forced by thedriver and an individual who ylled"youhave to give up at some point, he was obligated to remove himself :(

Another incident occurred when a small kid playing a video game was sitting in the back with her dad and when this asian girl with a backpack almost smacked the kid in the head with the backpack as she was getting up... but at that time, he dad reached his hand out to shove out of the direction of his daughter's head.. now this other on-looker sitting near by saw this and begins to shake his head disapprovingly at the asian girl.

Hm

I haven't posted in a long time

So I've been on summer break kinda (its spring but I have summer school so this is my summer break) Anyway I been thinking of my life and so far everything been's going pretty well for me.

For one lately I'm playing video games since I bought a PS3 and I've been playing this game called Eternal Sonata. I dont have much experience playing video games but I do like this one, it is a tad hard for me and my very bad reaction time since that is what is quite important in this game @_@ damn you guard! I also played F.E.A.R. 2. that one sucked, its a good thing it was only 15 bucks. I don't like first person shooters. I guess playing FPS was just me trying to convince myself I could actually be one of those skilled shooting game peoples and defeat the stereotype of girlie girl gaming. Also I played Heavy Rain. Honestly I liked the whole idea around the gameplay, its relaxing to me but the story itself isn't all that and that's pretty all it was based on.
 
So lately I've been really into this cosmetics company Lush. I think its really cool they try to be environmentally friendly. But honestly how is it good to encourage people to take baths when so much of the world is in water shortage? Sigh. I wish we could so easily solve all our world's problems probably through the use of magic or infinite resources and funds but sadly, it's not like that.


Oh and I've also been into painting my nails all the time and nail polish. Oh I've so much of that! The beloved (hehe) made me a wonderful box to put them all in. It's so cute that I may just post a picture of it for you hehe. I've got on China Glaze Dorothy Who? A bright blue glitterie polish with blue and silver glitter i love it though I'm not a huge fan of glitter. I do like the look of it on nails! I also love looking at nail blogs heehee

Things I want to clarify

Do I ever feel any slight hatred or resent for people who marry within their race? Yes I do

Would I marry inside my race? No i wont.

How do I feel about marriage outside ones race? I have nothing against it.

Would I go against my parents wishes and date outside my race? Yes I would and have

Will people ever get over the fact that there is nothing wrong with ppl of outside race? I hope they do...

I dont think people should be restricted from choice of a life mate y'know...

Reality likes to kick people in the ass.

Its true. This ties into all I've blogged about before, in terms of being slaves of society, stereotyping, lame-ass movies. Whatever. It all ties together. It may seem like i'm the pessimistic, "cup is half empty" kinda person, but really I'm sure we all can agree that they've had those days where it feels like you're living in a system. You see, we all are apart of a so called system. A cruel and pityless system, where all is lost, but its sometimes found. Where we care sometimes and then get bored and change our minds. I know I seem like I'm rambling, and I'm not even specifying or trying to prove a point. But think of what's going on around you. Think of the world and its people as a whole. Why do people have to do this or have this happen? Despite that in the end, it's all for naught. What's the point in trying to live your life when you're all gonna die anyway? Wow getting philosophical here.

What I'm trying to say is learn from everything. Take shit in, and think. Use your effing minds to see what's happening. I don't think anythings wrong with having an opinion. It is a free speech world after all. At least so I think.

So I've got to write an essay I thought this would be a good way to get into the mindset and kickstart me. Well hopefully.

Paranormal Activity Review

"Sucess is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success" by Albert Schweitzer

A friend gave me this before she left the country. Miss her, and really like the note

So Paranormal(fucking) Activity. Man what an overhyped film. To be honest I liked the suspense and tension bit of it but otherwise I think it fucking sucks. I mean the fucking alarm going off scared me while I watched this movie. However I could not find it in me to be interested to find out what happened in the end, so instead i went to look up the ending rather than finish watch. I mean I like ghosts movies. Poltergeist was effing awesome and de shit. But this? Ummm not so much. It basically had all the teeny little generic ghost scares - slamming doors, dark hallways, sleepwalking, "unidentified presences" and whatnot and throw in two fucking unbearable actors to play main roles. I fucking wanted that bitch to die. Turns out she doesn't, w/e. Also the fact that it was the first person camera kinda movie also make it a little harder to make the horror movie right. But actually it seemed to work pretty well for this story. Oh by the way, the story is effin shit. I'm not even going to get into too much detail but its basically ghost haunts girl and b/f is concerned. Lame huh? Anyways yeah I actually liked the filming style or camera style or whatever it is. It also worked really well in Diary of the Dead and REC. REC was fucking awesome by the way.

Maybe my experience of this movie was tainted because of the annoying porn ad in the corner of my comp. It took away from the thrill/scare factor I guess. I think I would've liked it more had I seen it on full-screen